From The Onion

NEWS IN BRIEF
Local Man Foremost Expert On What The Terrorists Should Do If They Really Want To Hurt Us
NOVEMBER 10, 2010 | ISSUE 46•45

BIRMINGHAM, AL—Area feed store manager and local terrorist expert Wendell Butler offered up another one of his brilliant theories Friday outlining exactly what the terrorists should do if they really want to hurt the United States. “I’ll tell you what would absolutely demoralize us is if they hit Disneyland,” said the 48-year-old high school graduate, whose vast knowledge of how terrorists operate and what the consequences of their potential actions would be is truly unmatched. “With all the families there it would just be devastating. And it’s Disneyland, so symbolically that would be like the ultimate desecration of everything American.” The razor-sharp Butler then spent the next two hours applying his insightful analysis of global terrorism and its effects to hypothetical attacks on water treatment facilities, hospitals, and the Academy Awards.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on print
Share on email

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Featured

Search

Browse

Archives